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crossing over
this site intends to contain the theory and application of the FAMILY SYSTEMS THEORY of dr. murray bowen
paternal nurturance
crossing over
Blog Archive
DEDICATION
i'd like to dedicate this blog in memory of my father: DOMINGO RAYCO, SR. (from whom i got my name!) who was the main reason why i chose my dissertation topic on PATERNAL NURTURANCE (see 3rd entry in this blog) since i honetly missed him while growing up. he was a hard-working civil engineer working for the government (department of public works and highways) and was at more times away from home than around us since he was assigned (or probably asked to be assigned at times) to different towns and provinces, even as far as calapan, oriental mindoro!
at the time of his death in 1989, the infamous "family secret" that he had ANOTHER FAMILY in the our province in oas, albay was brought to the open. ours was the legal one, probably partly because my mom's adoptive mom was rich and famous in our town and owned tracks of riceland. nevertheless, papa (as we all used to call him) worked hard probably to prove to my grandma that he is not just after the wealth and he had the financial capability to raise us up all 9 children (plus 2 still born)!!!
i guess i inherited my dad's WORKAHOLISM. but, fortunately, i did not follow his advice to marry someone rich like the chinese! his virility is i gues also strong in my genes. i also inherited his weak pulmonary system, i.e., his asthma. he eventually died of collapsed lungs, as far as i know coz it was his pulmonologist who eventually signed his death certificate. it puzzled me why, in his old age, he could not stay put and enjoy his retirement years. he forced himself to go back to work, even i think against his doctor's advice. perhaps work equated to his self-esteem, plus the need to sustain two families!
still, i believe that, as the philosophical saying goes, "god writes straight with crooked lines" and the sacred scriptures says: "everything works for good to those who love the lord" (romans 8:28).
thus, i owe him my relatively unique topic for my dissertation which took me 7 years (!) to complete from the time i defended my proposal. i'm also very conscious about how i PARENT my children so as not to follow a not-so-pleasant transgenerational pattern of being an ABSENTEE FATHER. but, as history would attest, i still ended following his footsteps and those of my father-in-law by being an OFW (overseas filipino worker) here in dubai! anyway, i charge it to experience and there were other trade-offs that were good in themselves as well like having time to revise my dissertation, having the money to buy the important books in my field that i could not before, learning what is really important in my life (VALUES CLARIFICATION), finding out more about myself, and through it all, SEEKING THE FACE OF GOD both in church, in the blessed sacrament, in confession, in the silence of my heart and my small bedspace, in music (esp reflective, meditative, spiritual), in my daily interactions with my colleagues with all its ups and downs, in reaching out to others through counseling and group therapy sessions, and in couples for christ, a filipino originated catholic charismatic family-centered community of lay people.
ps: i don't know why i wrote what i just wrote. i just allowed my thoughts to run free and keep to the truth as fas as i know it. i'm not very proud of what i've just written about my own father to whom i dedicate this blog. i don't want my children to write a dedication to me in this manner. nevertheless, "the truth will set you free" said the holy bible and i like honesty to characterize the writings and sharings in this blog as much as possible in the interest of PSYCHOSPIRITUAL HEALING. and, in the end, since i dedicated it to the memory of my FATHER, i still consider this blog SACRED SPACE!
papa, please pray for me and my family now. please intercede for me to our lord to bless this sacred space so that healing and reconciliation and PEACE may hopefully reign in the hearts and minds of people who visit this site. amen!
ps2: this writing has been cathartic and therefore, therapeutic for me. may it also inspire others to strive to come to terms with their past, especially in their relationship with their parents, especially their FATHERS. :-)
GOD BE PRAISED, NOW AND FOREVER. AMEN!
at the time of his death in 1989, the infamous "family secret" that he had ANOTHER FAMILY in the our province in oas, albay was brought to the open. ours was the legal one, probably partly because my mom's adoptive mom was rich and famous in our town and owned tracks of riceland. nevertheless, papa (as we all used to call him) worked hard probably to prove to my grandma that he is not just after the wealth and he had the financial capability to raise us up all 9 children (plus 2 still born)!!!
i guess i inherited my dad's WORKAHOLISM. but, fortunately, i did not follow his advice to marry someone rich like the chinese! his virility is i gues also strong in my genes. i also inherited his weak pulmonary system, i.e., his asthma. he eventually died of collapsed lungs, as far as i know coz it was his pulmonologist who eventually signed his death certificate. it puzzled me why, in his old age, he could not stay put and enjoy his retirement years. he forced himself to go back to work, even i think against his doctor's advice. perhaps work equated to his self-esteem, plus the need to sustain two families!
still, i believe that, as the philosophical saying goes, "god writes straight with crooked lines" and the sacred scriptures says: "everything works for good to those who love the lord" (romans 8:28).
thus, i owe him my relatively unique topic for my dissertation which took me 7 years (!) to complete from the time i defended my proposal. i'm also very conscious about how i PARENT my children so as not to follow a not-so-pleasant transgenerational pattern of being an ABSENTEE FATHER. but, as history would attest, i still ended following his footsteps and those of my father-in-law by being an OFW (overseas filipino worker) here in dubai! anyway, i charge it to experience and there were other trade-offs that were good in themselves as well like having time to revise my dissertation, having the money to buy the important books in my field that i could not before, learning what is really important in my life (VALUES CLARIFICATION), finding out more about myself, and through it all, SEEKING THE FACE OF GOD both in church, in the blessed sacrament, in confession, in the silence of my heart and my small bedspace, in music (esp reflective, meditative, spiritual), in my daily interactions with my colleagues with all its ups and downs, in reaching out to others through counseling and group therapy sessions, and in couples for christ, a filipino originated catholic charismatic family-centered community of lay people.
ps: i don't know why i wrote what i just wrote. i just allowed my thoughts to run free and keep to the truth as fas as i know it. i'm not very proud of what i've just written about my own father to whom i dedicate this blog. i don't want my children to write a dedication to me in this manner. nevertheless, "the truth will set you free" said the holy bible and i like honesty to characterize the writings and sharings in this blog as much as possible in the interest of PSYCHOSPIRITUAL HEALING. and, in the end, since i dedicated it to the memory of my FATHER, i still consider this blog SACRED SPACE!
papa, please pray for me and my family now. please intercede for me to our lord to bless this sacred space so that healing and reconciliation and PEACE may hopefully reign in the hearts and minds of people who visit this site. amen!
ps2: this writing has been cathartic and therefore, therapeutic for me. may it also inspire others to strive to come to terms with their past, especially in their relationship with their parents, especially their FATHERS. :-)
GOD BE PRAISED, NOW AND FOREVER. AMEN!
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