family systems theory: summary

Re: FAMILY SYSTEMS THEORY, SUMMARY; 8 KEY CONCEPTS
Fr: Bradshaw, J. (1995). Family secrets: What you don’t know can hurt you. NY: Bantam, pp. 57-70.

• Introduction

- family systems theory is based on the work of Dr Murray Bowen, a psychiatrist at Georgetown University, one of the pioneers in the systems approach to the family; over 40 years, he amassed an amazing body of research and clinical experience demonstrating in detail how families function

- families are social systems bound by precise and predictable dynamics or laws which operate throughout the entire kinship networks for at least 3 generations

- the family as a social system is more than the sum of its parts; it is the interrelationship of its parts

- any disturbance or change in any one part of the system impacts all the other parts

- the vital balance between the parts is the measure of the system’s health

- analogy: “When I am sick, the symptoms of my disease are a reflection of the system that is out of harmony…. My inherited genes predispose me to repeat certain patterns of sickness and health… [and] allows me to make predictions about the future.” (p. 57)

- illustration: The Identified Patient of Scapegoat
“When their parents’ marriage is out of whack, children are pushed by the energy of the system as well as by their own need for self-preservation to try to restore family harmony. They will go so far as to sacrifice their own psychological or physical health to preserve family [57/58] harmony. What looks like an emotionally disturbed child … is really a child sounding the alarm about the parents’ marriage. Children will choose to be sick if it means that their parents will work together to make their marriage better. Children intuitively know that if the marriage breaks down, they will be left out in the cold. Family therapists call a child who becomes the symptom-bearer the scapegoat child. When there are siblings, it is not always clear why one child will take on the role rather than another. Some of the answer may lie in birth position….

“From the parents’ point of view, if they focus their attention on their ‘problem child’ rather than on their marriage, a burden is lifted from them. If their child is the ‘problem,’ they can avoid looking at their own issues. In fact the parents may come to have an investment in the preservation of the child’s sickness….” (pp. 57-58)

- Sense of Self-Identity

“The essence of Bowen’s theory is that a mature family allows each member to separate and develop a solid sense of self-identity. When anxiety is present for any reason, the family moves toward stuck-togetherness and rigidity. The stronger the sense of solid self in individual family members, the less the family stays together. Functional families resolve the problems that are causing anxiety, while dysfunctional families repress the problems or choose ineffective ways to resolve them.” (p. 58)

• KEY CONCEPTS

1. SELF-DIFFERENTIATION (vs. Bond Permanence or Enmeshment; Spousification)

 Functional
- family atmosphere allows children to fulfill their basic needs and thereby, grow as unique individuals
- parents themselves continue to fulfill their “unfinished childhood dependency needs” and further self-differentiate by loving each other
NB: High levels of self-differentiation correlate positive with high levels of intimacy

 Dysfunctional
- parents USE a child as a substitute spouse (= spousification) because of the other spouse’s unavailability (physical or emotional) in order to fill up the parent’s emptiness and unfulfilled life
- effect on child: never truly connects with his own feelings, thoughts, and desires (low sense of self and level of self-differentiation from the family)

2. THE NUCLEAR FAMILY AS AN EMOTIONAL SYSTEM

 Functional
- “In Bowen’s theory the marital union is the chief component of the family; and its maturity is key to the health of the entire system.” (p. 60)
- for marital love to grow, the couple has to give up their romantic dreams and grieve the disappointment that comes from realizing that the beloved cannot fill up the void left from childhood deficits

 Dysfunctional
- If the couple is not willing to grow, they create false selves and live in pseudo-intimacy.
- they may act out their unresolved childhood deficits in several ways
- children may get caught up in what Bowen called the nuclear family’s emotional field or the “undifferentiated family ego mass”, a kind of group think trance
Ex: family members may take turns getting depressed to maintain a mind of rigid stuck togetherness, i.e., no one leaves the family’s emotional system
- parents can bond codependently, each representing the primary source figure from other’s family of origin, bartering selves like dealers at a swap meet
- a parent and a child may conspire against the other parent

2.1 Thinking vs. Feeling

 Functional: able to separate thinking from feeling
- members have a strong sense of self, with good ego boundaries, and can think about their feelings without being dominated by them
- with a strong sense of differentiation that can set good boundaries with other members

 Dysfunctional: unable to separate thinking from feeling
- feeling dominates thinking; believes that if they feel something, it must be true
- able to think about an interaction with another family member without overreacting or becoming emotionally overwhelmed
- “family-feeling enmeshment” – members are “carried away” by old familiar family processes and submerged in the family’s anatomical field; feel only the feelings that were family-authorized; maintained by reservoirs of original pain – feelings not allowed to be expressed in childhood that were repressed
- Therapy: “By reconnecting with unresolved grief, and by expressing hurt, sadness, and anger, we can gain freedom from the nuclear family’s emotional system.” (p. 62)

3. PARENTS’ PROJECTION PROCESS

 Functional: IDENTIFICATION as a normal process
- infants normally cannot distinguish themselves from their mothers
- children internalize aspects of their parents’ thoughts, feelings, or behavior
- parents get internalized as verbal representations in memory
- this internalization is temporary until the child becomes more autonomous

 Dysfunctional: PROJECTIVE IDENTIFICATION as a defense mechanism
- “If a mother disdains her own dependency needs, she projects her feeling of dependency onto her child, rewarding the child for being dependent and helpless and withdrawing her love when the child shows signs of autonomy and independence.” (pp. 62-63)
- “The mother needs the child to stay dependent in order to avoid having to accept and deal with her own morbid dependency needs.” (p. 63)

4. MULTIGENERATIONAL TRANSMISSION PROCESS

= similar family issues are played out from one generation to the next which is maintained most especially by dark secrets (since they are not talked about, it remains unresolved)
Ex: Roberto developed a red rash (without medical explanation) on his neck every year on or around Feb. 14. Without being told, he “knew” unconsciously and was acting out a dark family secret, i.e., his maternal grandma slit her throat on Feb. 14 and his mother (who knew about her mother’s suicide) hung herself on Feb. 16. It was only when Robert was nearing 18 years old that he was told the secret by his father before his death.

5. TRIANGLES

- the triangle = a 3-person emotional configuration, is the basic molecule or building block of any emotional system
- when tension in a dyadic relationship (ex: couple) increases (ex: intimacy conflict), the vulnerable one/s form/s (a) triangle/s
- when tension in he triangle is too great for the 3, members form other interlocking triangles
- when available family triangles are exhausted, the family system triangulates with others outside the family, (ex: therapist, police, social agencies)

 Functional
- Normal human development and the socialization process involve triangulated relationships, i.e., mother-child primary bond breaks up to accommodate the mother-child-father triangle

 Dysfunctional
- if mother blocks the crucial expansion of the child to the father because of her own wounds, the child will have difficulty bonding with anyone else
- some parents could not move beyond the dyadic relationship because they have been put into bondage by their own parents and “narcissistically deprived” because they failed to get the proper mirroring they needed as children; they cannot imagine sharing their life with more than one person
Ex: possible narcissistic disturbance
- adults who are afraid to get married
- couples who are isolated and live only for each other

6. SIBLING POSITION PROFILES

6.1 First child

- feel the parents’ pressure for performance of the family’s need for productivity (cf.: “Tagasalo” syndrome of eldest in Filipino families, c/o Dr Ma. Lourdes Carandang. Filipino children under stress.)
- feel the parents’ pressure of their rules and expectations
- bear a special relation to FATHER
Ex: assume responsibility for his inadequacies
: may fight with or for father to try to make him more responsible
: may become overly responsible toward mother to compensate for father’s lack of responsibility
- will tend to act our father’s secrets (i.e., unresolved emotional baggage or not those not dealt with openly)
NB: in twins, the firstborn will take on more of the first-sibling issues

6.2 Second Child

- responds to the EMOTIONAL* maintenance needs of the family system
- *focus on FEELINGS and SYMBOLIC MEANINGS
- *absorb other people’s feelings as if they were their own
- feel especially responsible for the MOTHER
- especially aware of elements implicit** in family rules*** and relationships
- **role: being in touch with underlying situation and making the implicit explicit
- **often perceive issues in polarized terms and have trouble with ambiguity
- ***tend to get confused with incongruities between overt and covert rules and between values and expectations
- need acceptance as people and to establish clear boundaries

6.3 Third Child

- feel responsible for the quality and stability of the MARITAL RELATIONSHIP
- need to be connected to both Mom and Dad
- will probably be enmeshed in the secrets of the marriage
- more likely to act out the marital secrets
Ex: if anger between the couple is not being dealt with, the child may act it out by getting into trouble in school
- often feel responsible for all the dyadic relationships in the family, i.e., tend to think in terms of connections
- can look unfeeling, but feel deeply
- threatened by a lack of choices* and by interpersonal conflict
Ex: may cope with conflict by withdrawal – may disappear into introspection or appear apathetic
- *when stuck, need help in making choices
- need others to appreciate them for what they do

6.4 Fourth child

- take on the family’s need for UNITY (NB: taken on by the 3rd child if there are only 3)
- feel responsible for family harmony
- focus on family goals as a whole
- look at whole 1st and the at the parts
- self-esteem wrapped up in family’s happiness
- more prone to be enmeshed in the secrets shared by the whole family
- feel a sense of loyalty to keep secrets known by the whole family
- easily overwhelmed by the amount of conflict in the family
- often feel responsible for disruption and pain in the family
- need help in delimiting their part of the family burden so that they don’t take on too much of it
- need lots of approval and need to be told that they are not to blame for the pain and tension in the family

6.5 Beyond the Fourth child:

- 5th child = like 1st child
- 6th child = like 2nd child
- 7th child = like 3rd child
- 8th child = like 4th child

6.6 Only child

- take on all the birth-order roles
- act more adult than their peer group
- often want things their own way
NB: a child born with a large gap in years from other siblings retains the birth order traits, but may also have certain only child characteristics

7. EMOTIONAL CUTOFF

= withdrawal from family member/s when unable to resolve conflict, especially in families when anger was prohibited ex: good religious families)
Ex: “When I was angry, I didn’t know what to do, so I withdrew, often hardly speaking to the person I was angry at. In later years I cut off communication with people I was angry at for longer periods of time, sometimes completely.” (p. 69)
- it normally means that a relationship is very intense, and the family members do not know how to resolve it
- it often means that the persons involved really care a lot about each other but don’t know how to deal with their love
NB: cutoff patterns in adulthood are determined by the way people handle their unresolved emotional attachments to their parents and siblings [cf.: object relations theory; attachment theory]
: low self-differentiation = high attachment issues: the lower the level of differentiation, the more intense the unresolved attachment and the more prone a person is either to severe enmeshment or to severe cutoff
- clue: family members who are secretive or strange – the black sheep, the “weird” ones, the ones who left the family
NB: “The person who runs away from the family of origin is as emotionally dependent as the one who never leaves home.” (p. 69)
- high/low cutoff in family of origin = high/low cutoff in family of orientation
PS: recommended reference: Margaret Hoopes and James Harpes. Birth order roles and sibling patterns in individual family therapy.

8. SOCIAL REGRESSION

= refers to the way that emotional problems in society are similar to emotional problems in a family
Illustration:
family: chronic anxiety -> emotionally distorted thinking and reactivity
society: chronic anxiety -> emotionally contaminated decisions to allay anxiety -> greater symptoms of dysfunction
Ex:
family: (cause) parents’ violation of privacy and shaming of children -> (effect) children’s future criminal behavior
society (prison): authority figures’ violation of privacy and shaming -> criminals are subjected to a RE-ENACTMENT OF DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY atmosphere -> subject others to privacy violation and shaming